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| The Lamb's Book of Life (Image credit) |
You know that awkward moment, when
you check a blogroll, kind of hoping you’ll be on it, and well—you’re not?
Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him."(John 7:38).
And your heart sinks.
And you say….
* * *
Well, 20 years ago--forget that, 2
years ago, if I were blogging then--I would have heard the word of torment, the
word of the accuser of the brethren, the word of demand: MORE.
Blog more, comment more, network more. Get
your name out there more.
Demon whispers.
I hear them, I hear them, and as
Odysseus poured wax into the ears of his sailors so they’d be proof against the
song of the sirens
I pour honey into my ears,
The honey of truth.
* * *
And this is what the Lover of Anita
says.
“Who gave human beings
their mouths? Is it not I, the LORD? 12 Now go; I
will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” Exodus 4:11-12
And I still say More, but
it’s not a fist-clenched anxious more.
It’s a hands open, humble one.
More of your spirit, Lord, more of
you. Help me believe more deeply for
you said:
Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him."(John 7:38).
Ah, give me that, Lord. Streams of
living water flowing through my blog, flowing to find readers to bless. And if
my blog blesses people, well, I guess I don’t deeply care about blog-rolls.
Ah, let me swim, oh Lord, in the
waters from your sanctuary. For it is written of the river which flows from
your sanctuary: Fruit trees of all kinds
will grow on both banks of the river. Their leaves will not wither, nor will
their fruit fail. Every month they will bear fruit, because the water from the
sanctuary flows to them. Their fruit will serve for food and their leaves for
healing.” (Ezekiel 47: 12).
To grow in the
waters of Spirit which flow from your sanctuary, and to bear fruit each month,
fruit for food and leaves for healing—fruit from the Spirit!! And when you are
swimming in the waters which flow from the sanctuary, when the tree of your
life grows in it, and bears fruit every month—well then, blogrolls are
secondary.
* * *
And I bring you
again the two loaves and five fish of my talent. And I see you bless it. And,
ouch, I see you break it.
And it doesn’t
resemble the way I hoped to write, the way I planned to write, the way I was
taught to write, the way I used to write.
And you—YOU
distribute the loaves of words which have come from brokenness and quietness,
words you have whispered to me in my distress—and seeing them read, I am
satisfied.
I smile if I am on a
blogroll,
And am still
satisfied if I am not,
Because hearing,
overhearing and recording your whispers, Lord,
That is the greatest
work you have ever given me!!
As long as your name is on the Great Sidebar in the Sky, all else is vanity....
ReplyDelete(Came here via my blogroll, in case you were wondering)
Lol! Exactly. You're right.
ReplyDeleteForgive the incredibly pathetic lament. I had second thoughts about publishing it, but you know the vanity you feel about pieces you've just written....
And my blogroll is so sparse, I shouldn't lament. I have just added you back. It grew to 30 blogs, so I cut it back to blogs I didn't know well, and wouldn't otherwise follow.
Thanks, Archdruid!!
This is so awesome! And so funny--I do see my blogging as a ministry, but it's hard b/c I still get so insulted when I don't think I have the following I "should" have. Thanks for writing such an appropriate post :)
ReplyDeleteThanks much, Meredith for seeing the humour of it. I was thinking of deleting it as being too pathetic :-)
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you for following my blog. I am all smiles again.
I've just checked yours out. It's hilarious. I am full of awe and respect for moms with young children who blog. I wish I'd done it. How many hilarious moments would have been recorded.
Anita
I love this post. I found myself praying the scriptures as I read through. Wanting, needing, begging for more of Him.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing and hitting the publish button!
Thank you, Carol, and welcome to my blog.
ReplyDelete"I found myself praying the scriptures as I read through. Wanting, needing, begging for more of Him." That's so awesome, thanks much. Loved your blog which I have just checked out and commented on.
Vanity and blogging sometimes roll into each other and is it only human to do so? I sometimes have to remind myself that blogging is about spreading the word of God.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! Thanks for your honesty. And the reminder that is a gift in itself to be able to write and share how God is working in our lives, whether or not we receive acclaim for the writing. P.S. Not that it's the point, but you are on my blog roll and I am often blessed by your writing. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteThanks much, Aly. I've added you too. As you can imagine, I am embarrassed by my (honest) lament. It is a Biblical genre I shall not specialise in.
ReplyDelete@Chelliah, yeah, nothing we do for God--teaching, preaching, singing, writing, blogging--is immune from our vanity,and our desire to be good at it-- (and alas, our desire for approval).
ReplyDeleteI need to keep reminding myself that I am the apple of the eye of someone who regards me with the most intent and minute attention--and who gives me all the attention my restless soul craves.
And indeed, that is enough, even when our blogs grow more slowly than we might like!!
It is melodic to His heart whenever the instruments of our lives are sacrificially played alone in the woods to an audience of One.
ReplyDeleteThis "lament" is a "sweet, sweet sound" to His ears because He hears the love for Him that drowns out any minor chords of human angst. The Father dances with joy to this love song, for He only hears your heart.
It is beautiful, thank you for sharing your heart, Anita.
Amen - You write that so well, Anita.
ReplyDeleteAh, so glad that I'm not the only one. Glad as well that there is a way through the tortured world of self analysis that we bloggers inflict on ourself to freedom, that just because we have these thoughts it doesn't mean we are lost to pride but in the arms of one who takes us away from our stats and shows us the deep full richness of his love and approval. Love the freedom of that way, we are free to blog, free to not find our worth and value in the amount of hits and links, and He grants us those moments when our random witterings on the world have helped someone else keep walking through this life. Thanks :)
ReplyDelete@Anita Cunningham, you write so well. YOU need to write a blog. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you, @Claudia! :-)
Indeed @Kath, thank you