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| Michaelangelo's Painting of the Conversion of Paul |
When my husband and I are very
cross with each other, or very bored with each other, and have to drive places
together, we pop a CD of the Apostle Paul into the player. It’s not safe to
argue and drive, trapped in a car with no place to escape, while your adrenalin
mounts--and so I don’t!
And sometimes, Paul is sublime,
and his words and vision and adulterated brilliance wash over me like a vision
of better, quieter, noble lands—lands open to me, lands of which I just have to
claim citizenship of, and then behave like a citizen. And I quieten down, and
let these lovely words and ideas wash over me, and sometimes drop the bone over
which we were contending.
And sometimes, Paul is combative
enough and sarcastic enough—oh how biting his sarcasm, how utter his contempt
for fools!!—that I just have to laugh. It’s an affectionate laughter. And then
Roy says, “He sounds like you!”
Paul was a grumpy guy, he did not
tolerate fools gladly, or the illogical. I think he might have liked me, and we
would have enjoyed chatting, and I think he would have had very sharp words for
me, if we disagreed!
* * *
I listened to the whole of Romans
on one of these days on which I felt a bit discombobulated, and wanted sanity
to return swiftly, and I listened to 1 Corinthians today.
Contentious, argumentative,
dismissive, inspired, sublime! Loved it.
And then
I come to its most famous chapter. If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not
have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am
nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the
poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but
do not have love, I gain nothing.
And I laugh. There are very few people
so superlatively gifted, but I happened to have been listening to one of them.
Who did Paul know who could speak in the tongues and angels? Who had the gift
of prophecy, and could under mysteries and knowledge, and a faith that could
begin moving the Roman Empire? Who owned nothing? Who subjected his body to
unbelievable hardships?
Who was Paul describing but
himself?
* * *
And human nerves can only be
stretched so far. Then there is a snap back and it is painful.
Speaking and writing in the
tongues of men and angels, prophecies, divining mysteries, pursuing and penning
knowledge, the rigours of faith and asceticism—all these cause a natural
reaction, overstrained nerves—and resultant grumpiness.
So I read it and think, “Oh Paul,
sweetheart, you’re being too hard on yourself.”
*
* *
But then, I wonder. I too have
met those who are superlatively gifted, intellectually and spiritually. And if
they are arrogant, or “full of themselves,” in that vivid phrase, or cold or
manipulative, or have time only for those they can use—they leave me cold. Utterly
unimpressed!!
If I
speak in the tongues of men and of angels, and have not love, I am nothing.
Sounds extreme, doesn’t it, but isn’t that how we rate people? We don’t really
have time for people who are impatient and unkind, envious, boastful and
arrogant, rude and angry. No matter how brilliant they are! There is an
instinctive recoil. We might rate their intellect or giftedness highly—but not
them.
Patient, kind, not jealous, not boastful, not proud. Not rude, not
self-seeking, not easily angered. Forgetting wrongs.
How many of us can read this as a
character sketch of ourselves?
What then should we do? We who use
words well, and get weary in the penning of them? We who listen in to the
spirit of God, and sometimes have prophetic insight, and leave our sessions of
intense prayer a little exhausted, with our nerves a bit fragile? Who strive to
understand spiritual mysteries and spiritual knowledge, and tire in the
pursuit? Who pay the price of stepping out in faith, pay the price of the generosity which makes our life more difficult, more challenging, more of
a strain, sometimes?
Oh we’ve got to the heights, the
Omega of the spiritual life, and then find ourselves failing in the Alpha Beta
of it, in patience and kindness and humility and consideration and keeping our
temper—things, come on, which are just good manners!!
What then should we do?
* * *
What can we do if we have an
inoperable brain tumour? Or Lou Gehrig’s disease? If we are a quadriplegic? If
we have dementia?
Is there any hope for us? Yes,
just one.
I love Rolland
Baker’s account of his healing from cerebral malaria and advanced dementia.
Heidi Baker in her book There is Always
Enough recounts her healing from dyslexia and chronic fatigue.
Yes, just as only God can heal
the malfunctioning, worn-out cells in our brains or bodies, only he can heal
the callouses in our hearts, the atrophied bits, where warm blood does
not flow, and which are slowly dying.
Only he who brought the dead to
life can heal our small, cold and selfish hearts.
So do it! Oh create in me a clean heart, oh Lord, and renew a right
spirit within me. (Ps 51:10). Take out of my breast the heart of stone, and
give me a heart of flesh.(Ez 11:19).
Amen.
Wonderful post, Anita.
ReplyDeleteI'm confused by this post... And maybe it's too many nights sleeping in upright positions being awaken at all hours by nurses...obviously diminishing my ability to think clearly.
ReplyDeleteI don't see the connection between "the issue" (being arrogance in the light of one's own gifts), and "the solution" (being healing of an organic brain disease).
For me, I have found when presented with "arrogance" and dig deeper that there is often a benign issue that requires patience and understanding and that the reaction of being left "cold" is one that saddens the arrogant.
I've been watching Doc Martin on Netflix (my only source of TV) and see exactly what you're describing. I knew a gal once who by all accounts was Doc Martin. People told me to stay away. Since I'm one to harbor a collection of cool and interesting, yet socially challenging individuals (being one myself), I was intrigued. Indeed, I found her cold and arrogant, so I worked to befriend her :). It took a long time, but having dug beneath the impatience and the arrogance, I discovered a lovely, but extremely shy woman. Let me tell you that I endured a lot of sharp tongue from her and still do when she's feeling threatened, but the toy surprise at the bottom is well worth eating the nasty, dry bran flakes.
The impatience and the arrogance was a shield to keep people away because in reality she had no earthly clue how to have a conversation with someone. I suspect that most of the arrogance and coldness we experience is because that person is extraordinarily uncomfortable with human interaction.
Having dealt with literally hundreds of geeks in my time, this scenario has played out countless times in my interactions. Next time you encounter someone who is arrogant and leaves you cold, I challenge you to make them a friend and show them that they are loved even if they have no ability to properly socialize. Underneath the impatient, gruff exterior generally lies a sweet and lovable prison. Like a lychee, I would say that peeling away the nasty prickly shell will reward you with sweet fruit inside. And if the friending thing doesn't work, pray that hey will find the peace they need in some other friend.
That post was also written past midnight, and I guess I didn't express myself well.
ReplyDeleteMy point was what if you identify that not-niceness in yourself? That you may be no slouch when it comes to spiritual disciplines, but struggle with being patient and gentle?
Then just as God can heal the molecules in a diseased brain or in a tumour, he can change the molecular structure of your heart, if you ask nicely-- and give you a new heart.
Gotcha now! Thanks for the clarification. I still hold that most "Un-nice-ness" is due to an unrelated underlying thing (that highly technical term..."thing"). :)
ReplyDeleteThere are likely people who are just plain, downright MEAN people who are just born that way... though I've not really met any...
Thanks for the food for thought last night, I really needed it and it really was my brain that wasn't putting all together...your writing is perfectly clear.