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| My enthusiastic Irene |
* * *
For most of my life, I have been super-enthusiastic, interested in
everything, always learning, flitting like a butterfly in the winds of fresh
enthusiasm for God, for gardening, for art, for poetry, for myth and fairy
tale, for travel, for writing, for essays, for memoir, for the theatre, for
film, for the Holy Spirit, for prayer, for history, for healthy eating and natural healing, for friendship, for people.
I have seen writers who started out with me, write book after book,
while I, I was still learning, still reading, still dabbling in fresh
enthusiasm, still experimenting with life.
Hemingway, that king of stylists has something to say to writers like
me.
In going where you have to go, and doing what you have to
do, and seeing what you have to see, you dull and blunt the instrument you
write with. But I would rather have it bent and dulled and know I had to put it
on the grindstone again and hammer it into shape and put a whetstone to it, and
know that I had something to write about, than to have it bright and shining
and nothing to say, or smooth and well oiled in the closet, but unused.
So there is a season for enthusiasm, for going where you have to go
(I’ve visited over 30 countries and lived in three continents!), and doing what you have to do, and seeing
what you have to see. But there is also a season to take the dull and blunt
instrument of your craft, put it on the grindstone, and hammer it into shape.
And for me—I’ve had lots of adventures, done lots of interesting
things—and the bucket list of things I want to do before I die now has but one
big item. I want to write lovely books
and blogs.
And that’s the enthusiasm I am going to nurture.
*
* *
Yes, there is something of God in enthusiasm. I think I am changing
my parenting as I realize that.
I used to watch out for signs of giftedness in my children, and steer
them in that direction.
I now realize that for success, and more importantly, to find work
which one thoroughly enjoys (and this is one of life’s great gifts), giftedness is secondary to the determination
to keep on rowing. To keep on plodding. To put in the 10,000 hours of
deliberate practice, and count it all joy.
And for that, enthusiasm is more sustaining than will-power or
giftedness—for many people, or all, are multi-gifted. Just because you are gifted at something does
not mean you should make it your life’s work, as Roy, my husband realized when
he gave up math research, or Irene, when she gave up chess. Go instead with
your greatest enthusiasm. Better to fail at something you love doing, than succeed at something that somewhat bores you!
So I am now watching out for what my children express enthusiasm for.
Where the spirit of God within them is leading them.
* * *
I have another life-rule. Never,
ever, prematurely quench another’s enthusiasm.
I think I have been guilty of quenching some of my children’s
enthusiasm, I myself have done so much, experimented with so much, tried so
much, that it’s taken me till middle-age to settle down and get seriously focused.
And so I wanted them to get focused early. Irene, my younger one, is
like me, a creature of many and varied enthusiasms. She was
a brilliant chess player, and I used to say, “No, Irene. Forget the art or
the knitting, or the whatever, focus on your chess.” We stressed her too early,
and she’s given it up, after having been ranked second in the country for a
number of years.
She is extremely gifted at writing and literary analysis. When she
was 12, her teacher said her analysis of texts and her writing was at GCSE
level (age 16). So now, when she comes up with ideas and enthusiasms, I tend to
say, “Well, wouldn’t it be better to read? To listen to audiobooks?” But I
think I am just going to let her follow her bliss, in Joseph Campbell’s phrase,
knowing that many and varied experiences enhance one’s writing, making it
richer and meatier, the flesh of a free-range animal, rather than a
factory-raised one.
There is a season for enthusiasm, and a season to sacrifice the good
for the best. For me, I am in the latter season. For my children, I will leave
it to them to decide when they should transition from the season of enthusiasm
to the season of focus.
*
* *
In fact, I am always on the lookout for my friends’ real passions and
enthusiasm. I will never again snuff enthusiasm prematurely because I may be
snuffing out something God-breathed in them.
Once, about 4 years ago, I was leading a Christian women’s group with a friend, Caroline, whom I was then genuinely fond of. She had loads of ideas,
and passion and vision and enthusiasm for the group, though she had never led
one before. I had led several, but at that time, all my enthusiasm, energy, worry
and passion was going into our family’s publishing business which I was then
developing, and which is now our main source of income.
So when she suggested things—because it was all new to me, and unlike
anything I had done before—I stone-walled. She wanted to give out scripture
verses to the women and hope we would prophetically give the right verse to the
right woan. “Flaky,” said I. She wanted to show DVD’s about the origins of
Women Aglow. “We should burrow into Scripture, not watch DVD’s,” said I. She
wanted raw therapeutic share-your-guts stuff and led the way. I asked, “Are we
having a Bible-study or a
Caroline-study, because, you know, I signed up for the former.” (Yeah, horrid
me!!)
Well, my co-leader was not just enthusiastic, but super-manipulative,
and she used that tossed-off line to manipulate lots of sympathy for herself,
and animosity for me, and our relationship dissolved in a horrid and traumatic
way, which took much recovery on my part, and joy on hers, because her
tears meant that she got everything her own way. (Oh well, not totally healed
yet!! J
*
* *
And so I learnt: Celebrate people’s enthusiasm, don’t snuff it out. For
in doing so, you run the risk of snuffing out en theos, the spirit of God within them. For where the spirit of
God is, there is enthusiasm.
There is a saying: God keeps you in kindergarten until you have
learnt its lessons. So four years later, I had another test. I was asked to co-lead
another Bible study, in another church. And this time, after a wobble or two, I
passed!!
The wobble was caused by the old Anita thinking she knew best, that
her way was best. But it quickly passed. I saw enthusiasm, vision and energy
for leading the study on my co-leader’s part. I recognized that all my
enthusiasm, vision, passion and energy were going into my writing, so I should
let her lead in the way she saw fit, and support her. And, yeah, it worked; I
passed the test.
*
* *
I use enthusiasm
as a guide to whether I should do or continue doing something. It is, in
fact, an Ignatian method of discernment. See how doing something makes you feel.
See how not doing makes you feel. Your heart, your spirit, your body are giving
you the answer. Scripture enters the equation, of course, but this is a better,
more holistic way than a Scripture verse lottery, basing your actions on a
single verse of scripture, against the wisdom of your head, heart, spirit and
body.
I have been leading Bible study groups off and on for 11 years now.
Perhaps God gave me the opportunity to infect others with my passion
for him; to test out my weird and wacky ideas on people, and see what fell flat,
and what evoked a response; to learn to put abstract spiritual ideas in
concrete, vivid terms, so as to excite and energize people. And all these were
useful lessons for blogging.
But, I now feel the era of leading small groups is over. The main
enthusiasm I feel is for the last item on my bucket list—blogging and writing
books—and so at a convenient transition point, I shall bow out, and, like Paul,
focus on one enthusiasm. “One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining
toward what is ahead, 14 I press
on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me.” (Phil 3
13-14).
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