Well, I
am only on month three of Gretchen Rubin’s extensively researched The Happiness Project
, and love many of her insights.
, and love many of her insights.
Here are
three which I particularly enjoyed:
1) W. B.
Yeats writes, “Happiness is neither virtue, nor pleasure, nor this thing, nor
that, but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing.
She goes
on to point out that the process of striving after goals—growth—brings more
happiness than achieving them.
As we
become wealthier or successful, we become used to new comforts, privileges,
achievements and respect. It’s “the hedonic treadmill.” You get used to what
you have, and want more.
An
“atmosphere of growth” on the other hand, provides a more abiding satisfaction.
“Tending your garden will give you fresh joy and surprise every spring.” Like the
process of writing and thinking, and striving towards excellence in one’s
creative work.
· * *
In my
daughters’ school, Oxford High School, they are given only one yardstick for
which subjects to choose—what most interests them, what they love best. This
can be annoying for parents who want them to pick subjects which will be of the
most use to them.
Gretchen
shows us why the school’s policy is sensible.
As Malcolm Gladwell points out in Outliers
,
the most important element in mastery is the 10,000 hours of practice.
,
the most important element in mastery is the 10,000 hours of practice.
So, to
quote Rubin, “Enthusiasm is more important to mastery than innate ability,
because the single most important element in developing an expertise is your
willingness to practice. Therefore, you are better off pursuing a profession
that comes easily and that you love, because that’s where you’ll be more eager
to practice. Passion is a critical factor in professional success. People who
love their work bring an intensity and enthusiasm that’s impossible to match
through sheer diligence.”
3) And
then, there’s this paragraph which is particularly brilliant and useful. And
interesting. Not sure I knew it.
She
writes: “I’d always followed the adage, “Don’t let the sun do down on your
anger,” which meant, in practical terms, that I scrupulously aired every
annoyance as soon as possible to make sure I had my chance to vent my bad
feelings before bedtime.
I was
surprised to learn from my research, however that the well-known notion of
anger catharsis is poppycock. There is no evidence for the belief that “letting
off steam” is healthy or constructive. In fact, studies show that aggressively
expressing anger doesn’t relieve anger, but amplifies it. On the other hand,
not expressing anger often allows it to disappear without leaving ugly traces.”
It’s a
very interesting book—well-researched, compendious, but written in an very
easy, readable style.
I've seen that thing about anger catharsis.
ReplyDeleteI think more work needs to be done. I think bottling up anger is harmful to everyone. I think releasing it physically is useful for most people -- it doesn't have to be careless. And that if one can work through the anger -- not work around it, but work THROUGH it -- without a physical release, then fine.
Thanks. I've been an expresser for most of my life. Over the last few years, I sometimes ask myself if it's important or needs to be said? If saying it is going to achieve anything--people can't change their natures and habits overnight. If there's any point in expressing it.
ReplyDeleteIf it's trivial, I blow it off, and as she says, an hour later, am not angry about it.
Yes, dealing with anger is a lifelong process. I agree that it is a red light that something is wrong, either with us or with the relationship and should be looked at and addressed.
I need to remember the physical release bit!!
I think there's something to be said for discerning when, where, with whom, and how to do the metabolism of strong feelings.
ReplyDeleteI have been loving the Listening Partnership idea of Hand in Hand Parenting. Anything that would not be wise to bring up with the individual (when I'm irrationally angry with Amy or Mark, for example), I can offload to my listening partner, who is committed to confidentiality, to not judging, etc, but to simply and warmly support me with listening.
I belong to a great supportive group of mature Christians in which people can unload things which might be shocking to good Christians without the fear of being judged! It's very healing to have a few such friends!!
ReplyDeleteThat does sound great.
ReplyDelete